Hidden Effects of Trauma in Relationships

What if the third person in your relationship isn’t a person at all—but trauma? Childhood loss, family dynamics, unspoken pain—these hidden wounds shape the way we connect, love, argue, and even cope. In this episode of The High Guide, integration facilitator Natasha Lannerd opens up about her experience at the Hoffman Institute, a therapeutic program that helps participants identify and transform unconscious patterns of behavior.

The hidden effects of trauma in relationships don’t just make intimacy difficult—they can quietly dictate our reactions, our sense of worth, and how much vulnerability we allow. Natasha’s journey reveals how early loss, like the death of a parent, can manifest in ways we don’t immediately recognize. Even the absence of someone creates a pattern that can echo for decades.

Through structured therapy, reflection, and unplugged community, Natasha experienced what she calls a complete integration—not only of her recent experience, but of her entire life. Her transformation was not about reliving trauma, but about gently uncovering how trauma was still living inside her.

The hidden effects of trauma in relationships are often overlooked because they’re normalized. Natasha shares how her mother’s death at age six shaped her life in unseen ways. She believed her mother’s absence meant she couldn’t have inherited emotional patterns—but realized that the absence itself was a pattern, influencing how she received and expressed love.

The Hoffman Institute guided her through what they call the Cycle of Transformation:

• Awareness: Identifying the inherited patterns from caregivers or environments

• Expression: Allowing feelings about those patterns—grief, anger, disappointment—to be fully expressed

• Compassion: Forgiving those involved and yourself

• New Ways of Being: Consciously choosing how you want to move forward

With this clarity, Natasha initiated a deeply healing conversation with her father around his addiction and their shared past. She describes the experience as soul-liberating—for them both.

Though the Hoffman process involves no substances, Natasha credits her prior work with psychedelics and breathwork as powerful preparation. This foundation allowed her to recognize and release patterns more fully. But one of the most important stages, she says, came after—during her solo integration.

She spent three days in nature, unplugged and alone. No distractions. Just silence and open space. It was during this time that she experienced what she calls the integration of her entire life—a moment of deep trust in herself, of remembering her connection to something greater.

She shares:

• Nature heals because it mirrors your wholeness. When you feel alone, stepping into a living system helps you remember you’re part of something.

• Trust is the antidote to trauma. Especially when sitting with someone else's big emotions. Natasha now holds space from a deeper place of presence because she trusts herself to witness, not fix.

• Forgiveness lives in the body. Intellectual understanding is different from embodied compassion. Psychedelic work—and programs like Hoffman—help bring the two together.